Bhaaiii Ka Resume, Solid hai baap !!!!

                                           Bhai Ka Resume

Pakya Bhai Supariwala

Objective:
To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:
* B.S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M.S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA) , August 1996.

Thesis:
"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:
Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:
* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry; and mint flavors (Patent# 007,13,666)

Summer Internship:
Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990
* Worked as a hitman and was responsible for many supari style killings
* Participated in election rigging in Bihar and made hafta Collections

Honors & Achievements:
* Won 1980 Gabbar Singh Memorial Award (given to child prodigies in crime)
* Member, IPKF (Indian Professional Killers Forum) student chapter
* Performer of the year in 2004 General Elections in Bihar & U.P.
* Strong hold on Govt. & NGOs.
* Specialized in extortion,illegal construction business & fake academic degree supply.

References:
* Dr. Charles Sobhraj, Full Time Prof., Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Chandra Swamy, Visiting Faculty Tihar Jail, New Delhi
* Dr. Dawood Ibrahim, Overseas Projects Manager, Dubai ,

apun chal rela hai abb... locha hoinga tou number chipkane kya... kyaaaaa???


Written By :  f@!Z

Kambakhht Mohabbat

Masoom mohabbat ka
bas itna sa fasana hain,
masoom mohabbat ka
bas itna sa fasana hain,
gf ka ghar khali hain aur
mujhe office jaana hain


Written By : Simanta Roy (SIM)

Geometric luv lettr

MY DEAR LUV,
YSTRDY I WAS PASSING BY UR RECTANGULAR HOUSE IN TRIGONOMETRIC LANE.....
THERE I SAW U WIT UR CUT CIRCULAR FACE,CONICAL NOSE AND SPHERICAL EYZ.......
today u wer looking
tan c/sin c
=sin c/cos c.sin c
=1/cos c
=sec c
b4 seein u my heart was a null set ,
but wen a vector of magnitude 4m ue eyes deviated of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,it diffrentiated.......
my love 4 u is a quadratic equation with real roots,
wch only u can solve by making it a simple equation.......


Written By : Shyama

tots/collection....

1]wat is the diffrence between fine n tax?
a fine is tax 4 doing wrong
a tax is a fine for doing well

2]if u can solve ur problem,
thn wtz d need f worrying?

if u cnt solve it ,
thn wtz d use f worryin?
think again

3]easily achieved things do not stay longer
things wch stay longer r nt easily achieved

4]u hv 2 options in lyf......
ACCEPT/CHANGE
so ACCEPT wat u cant change
OR
CHANGE wat u cant accept

5]hope n end both r unavoidable realities f lyf
bt v do hv a choice....v cn live lyf either as a
HOPELESS END
OR
as an ENDLESS HOPE

6]hardwork is like steps........
luck is like lift.......
at sumtym possibly lift may fail......
but
steps vl alwz tke u 2 d top{^_^}


Written By : Shyama

read it....

heart of boys is lyk a temple......


holy..
truthful........
pure....




dtz y wen boys say i love u,........




gals remove dier sandals:):):)!!!!!!


Written By : Shyama

lolllzzz..read it

friend......:Explain The word "AUTOMATICALLY"


student:....Nahe pata



friend:i"ll xplain...




student:ager koi ganji ladki auto mein bethi ho......




to use kehte hain ........




auto_mein_takli


Written By : Shyama

#########Test for Idiocy #########

B elow are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!!



First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutel! y wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?




Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000 . Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:
I may have sent this one before. I! 'm never sure.

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!


Written By : Manmeet Kaur

************A KIDS Confessions!******************

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.

He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.


Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.


Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.


Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.


Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please! Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.


Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5

God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE! !!!!!!!!!


Written By : Manmeet Kaur